Meow.
Earlier today I received an eMail from the editor of one of the sites that I often contribute to. Instead of the usual “grum, you’re SO attractive and I wish I could ravage your manly sweaty body”, I was a forwarded notice from the RSPCA.
Evidently an article I wrote for the site offended someone who felt it necessary to report me to the authorities. The article in question was written in my usual style – full of hyperbole and tongue-in-cheek paragraphs stuck together with poor grammar and constant spelling mistakes. The aforementioned post described a highly unlikely situation that would result in the harm of a common household pet. If a person chose to re-enact this situation, they would most likely kill themselves as well a small furry creature, however the world would unite as one and agree that this planet is better off without people stupid enough to attempt the task in the first place.
Now in all honesty, if the person contacted the site directly my editor would have gladly removed the post in question. Well, not gladly. I’d probably get a lecture. On occasions in the past I’ve made my editor question the decision to let me post anything online with little editorial input. The removal/amendment of my posts due to complaints has happened before and I accept my editor’s decision to act on any feedback given. But to get the RSPCA involved? Come on, what did you think was going to happen? No actual animal was hurt and a drunken blind man with bamboo shoots wedged behind his eyeballs could have seen that there was no seriousness to the article whatsoever. This person has chosen to waste the time of the RSPCA, more specifically their WA Public Relations Manager Tim Mayne who has better things to do with his time such as informing the public of actual incidences of animal cruelty like the futility of whipping in the horse racing industry and the abuses that occur in commercial puppy farms.
The post in question has been removed and some of you may have noticed that I have chosen to not name the publication in question – that is because I have nothing but the utmost respect for the site and none of their staff or editors are responsible for choosing the content that I post. No sense in dragging their name through the mud with mine over something I have said.
So dear anonymous douche canoe, whoever you are, go choke on a dick. Unlike my post which was full of hyperbole, I actually am instructing you to go outside, insert a giant throbbing diseased horse cock into your mouth, shove it down deep into your oesophagus, asphyxiate and stop wasting the time of underfunded charities.
- love, hugs and kisses, your pal grum.
PS. I urge anyone reading this post to donate a few dollars to the RSPCA – after the numerous floods, cyclones and bush fires we’ve had this year, the RSPCA is battling with the ongoing struggle of relying on the public to donate to their cause. There are hundreds of displaced, ill and injured animals that need your help. You can donate to them online, via the post or over the phone. Just don’t use carrier pigeons as they frown upon that practice. Details on how you can donate can be found on the RSPCA website.
PPS. This post was made independently and does not reflect the thoughts of my employer. If you have a problem with it, follow the instructions that I left a couple of paragraphs above or leave a comment in the section below.
PPPS. The picture above is not mine, it was obtained from a google search. We only own a hand blender and when I tried to take the photo for the blog post, the cat ran off only to get caught on a door handle (thanks to the newly made hole in its belly). It kept on thrashing all over the place, making it difficult to take the picture. So I stole a picture in the end.