Gumtree’d
The other day I decided to list my Xbox 360 for sale on Gumtree. The sale happened quite quickly and only a few hundred people got to witness my lovingly written piece. Since the ad has now vanished from the internet, I thought I might as well share it with the rest of you folks whilst I try to figure out why my blog seems to be missing several posts I uploaded a few days ago. Bloody gremlins…
A screenshot of the ad can be found here however the original text can be found below:
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Title: XBOX 360 – NEW! Well, kinda. Just close your eyes and pretend.
Price: $250.00
So I have a brand new Xbox Arcade console to sell. Well, it’s almost brand new but the box was opened and the console was plugged in and switched on once. BUT since then, its been sitting there, doing nothing. I haven’t even put a disc in it yet. So it’s pretty much brand new. But if you’re the type of person who likes unwrapping things from their plastic encasements, this won’t be for you. Cos I did that already. Sorry. Stop crying.
To tell you the truth, I really wanted to keep this Xbox. It seems pretty cool n’ whatnot. But when I realised it doesn’t come with games or a slab of mountain dew which is required for the whole gaming thing I found myself rather upset and I sulked a lot. But anyway, I don’t really have time to play games. Y’know, being unemployed and whatnot. Us unemployed people have plenty of things to do in life and have no time for gaming. All the sitting on the couch, reading the paper, staring out the window, crying silently alone, prank calling the ex-wife – that stuff takes time y’know.
According to a very quick, not very well researched Internet search, a brand new Xbox console costs $449. Although that’s a different model. But they both play the same games, look great on your entertainment cabinet and momentarily shut the kids up when you hit them over the head with it. Make sure you hit them hard otherwise you’ll probably hear a lot of noise. Trust me. I know. So by me selling a similar console for $250, you’re gonna get a good deal, no matter how you look at it.
The picture shown is not of the actual console that I own. But it looks remarkably like the real thing. I was just too lazy to find my digital camera to take the picture. Plus this picture has better lighting compared to what would have been my photo. I mean, I may be a professional photographer by definition but I really can’t be bothered setting up the lights and whatnot to get a nice looking picture when there are already gorgeous pictures online for me to use.
Anyway, the console is in perfect condition and I’m pretty certain I’m not going to budge on the price, so don’t eMail me asking for a reduction in price otherwise I’ll get angry and send you rude pictures of senior citizens doing raunchy things with each other. This will also mean I’ll be forced to search for pictures of senior citizens doing rude things to each other since I don’t have any saved. That means there will also be a good chance that my girlfriend will then see these pictures in the web browser’s history and then she’ll yell at me for a while, ditch large objects at my head (including the aforementioned Xbox) and then throw me out into the cold Christmas winter.
Yes, I realise that Perth doesn’t have a cold Christmas winter but she’ll throw me out with SO MUCH force that I’ll find myself in Greenland. I assume its cold there. I’ll also probably get eaten by a bear.
You don’t want me to be eaten by a bear.
DO YOU?!
The thing is for sale right now, and you can pick it up whenever I’m not busy pranking the ex-wife. I suppose I could ship it to you, but you’re gonna have to cover postage and handling and compensate me for the time I’ll be spending walking to the post office in the snow. The cold, harsh snow. Which is very cold. And harsh. And snow-like.
If you don’t want to buy this, thats OK I guess. Thank you for your time. But could you do me a solid and spread the word for me? Feel free to forward this ad to everyone you know – they can use the following web link thing: http://grum.us/HelpGrumNotGetEatenByBears
If you don’t help me out, I’ll cry and punch a puppy in the face.