I am the Zombie King!

Well, I was.

2007 and 2008 were two very strange years for me…

VERY strange years indeed.

I was chased by giant bees, healed by an afro-wearing faith healer, got harassed by Today Tonight and led an army of the undead through the streets of Perth. But that’s all part of being involved with the Perth flashmob scene I suppose.

It all started back in early 2007 when someone eMailed me about a flash mob happening in Perth. I had heard of many of these things happening over in San Francisco, but never local so I was quite interested in this strange phenomenon. And strange it certainly was. We were all told to dress in red and had to look like we had some sort of ailment, like a broken leg or be in a wheel chair. That day I dug into my box of goodies and pulled out a wig and a walking stick but had nothing red to wear. A quick trip to the Good Sammies sorted that out quicksmart.

We were instructed to meet someone for further instructions. It was all hush-hush to begin with. I figured that the organisers didn’t want any media stirring up any trouble which later turned out to be true. After getting the instructions, we assembled in front of the old Post Office and waited. The crowd seemed unsure of itself at the time so I got up and started to drum up some support – unfortunately the crowd thought I was part of the whole thing and started chanting for me but thankfully the main attraction came up and started to do their thing. Julio Ramirez was announced and the crowd went wild. This mute faith healer waded though the crowd, curing everyone including me (apparently I admitted my condition on Flickr later that day). Afterwards we all strolled down the mall only to be chased by giant killer bees (video link).

At the end of this rather odd afternoon, the organisers invited us over to the Moon and Sixpence for a pint and a chat. They rather liked me stepping up and taking charge of the crowd so they invited me to become part of the Perth Flashmob committee. Now I really didn’t like the organising part so I gave them an ultimatum – just tell me what to do and I’ll do it. Whatever the hell it may be. No holds barred.

Over the next few months we did a bunch of flash mobs with me leading the pack however one wet day in April the biggest flashmob hit Perth in a big and bloody way.

It was to be… A ZOMBIE LURCH!

The premise is simple. Look like a zombie and walk between point A and point B. What could go wrong?

Well, when the day came, it looked like all hell was going to break loose. The heavens had opened up and Perth looked like it was abut to start flooding. There I was with a crappy umbrella that refused to work, carrying my costume and 3 litres of home-made blood. I was soaked to the bone and the organisers and I were seriously considering cancelling the whole event – but how the hell do you cancel a flashmob? The event was spread through facebook and via word-of-mouth. We knew there would be a bit of a turnout as the facebook event page has been distributed to hundreds of people in Perth but there is no way in hell that anyone would turn up in this weather right?

Well we were wrong.

Slowly the undead started appearing around Perth. The instructions were the same as previous flashmobs – nobody was to know what was happening till the last minute. They were meant to meet up with one of the organisers to get further instructions. So for the two hours leading up to the agreed time there were zombies dotted all around the perth mall, freaking out small children and bothering security guards. The number of zombies were still quite low but given that these people went out of their way to dress up, we decided it was only fair to go ahead with the plan.

The rendezvous point was Wolfe Lane, a small dark alleyway just a few hundred meters away from the city centre. When I arrived there were already a small gathering of the undead which surprised me – it seems one person had gotten the location ahead of schedule and text messaged it out. God love flashmobbers. I stripped down and got into my Zombie costume – jeans and a ripped up shirt combined with white makeup, talcum powder and lots of eye makeup.

Oh and blood.

Lots and lots of blood.

The night before I journeyed over to the local deli and bought 1 litre of golden syrup, 1 litre of honey and food coloring. I mixed them all up with an added litre of water into a 3 litre juice bottle. I figured that people weren’t going to look bloody enough so I made plenty to share around. More and more people started to appear in the alleyway as I started to share my blood around. The stuff was thick, sticky and smelt like a unicorn had thrown up. It was sickly sweet and made everyone’s eyes water but it proved very effective.

There was a nervous energy in the air as the time to launch the lurch approached. These zombies were about to be led through the city and I was the one to lead them…

“oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit…”

That was the only thing that was running through my head when I realised that there were over 100 zombies in the alley with me.

“We’re gonna get arrested… shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitOHFUCK!”

The only way I could silence the voices in my head was to turn on the magic and do what grum does best – be the center of attention.

In a booming voice I started to rally the Zombies, ordering them to follow me through the valley of death into the depths of hell. I found myself stealing William Wallace’s speech to the troops from Braveheart… ”

“Run and you may die. Lurch, and you’ll live… at least as much as you can undead… Many years from now you’ll have just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our undead lives, but they’ll never take… OUR ZOMBIE FREEDOM!!!!”

Well, that’s how I remembered the end of my speech, it may have gone slightly different however at this point everything went a bit fuzzy as I decided to empty the rest of my Zombie blood on my head. There was about 2 litres left of this disgusting gooey mess and it was all dripping down my undead body making it incredibly hard to see. Although at this time seeing was the least of my worries – the fact that my fake blood was in my eyes was rather concerning to me because IT STUNG LIKE HELL!

I couldn’t see. Anything. My eyes were burning and I had just ordered the troops to march and follow me, so I thought fuck it, I’m gonna get arrested for doing this so I might as well do it in style. We marched on towards the city and through the malls and were not stopped by a single person. The police even showed up at the start but kept their distance. A blood trail ran for about half a kilometre through the city with bloody hand prints left on windows on the way. It was fun, DAMN FUN although I was still in a helluvalot of pain throughout the whole ordeal. After freaking out half of Perth’s retail industry we ended up finishing at the cultural centre where the zombies broke character and cheered in front of a bewildered few at the Alexander Library who peered through blood-stained windows.

Afterwards, I made a bee-line for the fountain, stripped off my blood soaked clothes and dunked my head into the fountain to wash as much of this blood as possible. I finally could see again! We rallied up the troops and headed off to the Moon and Sixpence for a pint or three, all flavoured by the remainder of the blood left in the bottle.

Now its been way to long since the last flashmob has happened in Perth, so this weekend I got together a bunch of eager uni students to try and to resurrect the flashmob scene in Perth. This may or may not turn out as successful as it was before, but I promise you that we will re-ignite the Zombie Lurch this year to make it an annual tradition.

But someone, please tell me how to make fake blood that doesn’t want to melt my eyeballs.

To keep in the loop about all things Perth Flashmobby, head over to the Facebook page and sign up. If you have ideas about what the next flashmob should be about or just want to help out, feel free to contact me.

Facebook link: http://www.facebook.com/p.php?i=687370176&k=R4F2QYV3S4XM5JECPB26VQ

Below are a couple of videos taken at the Zombie Lurch – apparently there was a 3rd camera person who filmed the lurch for a documentary that has been seen at Luna Cinemas. If you know what this doco is called, or have a copy, please drop me an eMail.

June 21st, 2009 // Blog